The Reactionaries: An Action Movie Podcast

Luke Hobbs and Deckard Shaw must do the unprecedented to save Deckard Shaw's sister... team-up. You know, just like they did in Fate of the Furious. Hobbs and Shaw team up to stop George Soros-funded Antifa supersoldier, Brixton, from releasing a virus that kills half the world's population. Along the way, they learn the power of friendship, and the power of cooperation and they relearn the power of family, gear-shifting, and of course... grappling hooks. We leave The Furious Saga behind, for now, a Jesus Chain-shaped smudge in the rearview mirror. Relax, kick back, get a big bowlful of your favorite coffee grounds, and enjoy Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw. 

 

Next week we shift gears from maybe problematic movies to definitely problematic movies. We will be watching 1976's Death Machines. Death Machines is available on YouTube, Amazon Prime and Tubi.

Please allow the Fast Saga to reintroduce itself! Grab a pint to drink and some coffee to eat, because it’s time for The Fast & The Furious Present: Hobbs & Shaw! Our two favorite characters that weren’t characters to start the franchise, but I guess, are the stars now (?) team up! Can you imagine it, Luke Hobbs and Deckard Shaw, working together? That’s something we never thought we would ever see, especially since they worked together in Fate of the Furious! But wait, there are more unexpected things! Gear shifting, scantily clad ladies, talk of family, and of course… grappling hooks!

Oh, also this franchise that started with a DVD/VHS combo heist now has literal genetically modified super soldiers in it… that are approximately as powerful as The Rock.

Trailer 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SA7FaKxZVI

Trailer 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZ7PAyCDwEg

Trailer 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnMhnbcU7vo

We've finally done it. The Jesus Chain Saga is mercifully over... for now. Fate of the Furious marks the last time we will see our friends Dom, Letty, that picture of them at the cookout, Roman Pearce, Tej Parker, and Ramsey... something. Shaw joins the crew in their efforts to stop Dom from convincing Charlize Theron from getting blonde dreads permanently. Also, I guess Elena Neves is there and finally... we got a tank. Strap in for the last Toretto movie you'll have to sit through until Spring 2021. Even though Dom & crew won't be around for a while after this one, we will still continue to live our lives a quarter-mile at a time... or die.

Joe and Jeff finish up the main Fast Saga (for now) with the trailer for Fate of the Furious! In this one, Dom turns against his family to save his family, the crew comes in like a wrecking ball, Letty and Dom have NEVER TAKEN A SECOND PICTURE, Elon Musk designs a tank, and Charlize Theron is here to ruin the day via Jamaica.

Our old friends are back: Hobbs, Shaw, grappling hooks, the Jesus chain, Brian? No, not Brian. Dom's GOT NO CHOICE but to work with Charlize Theron, but you have a choice to not watch this movie and let us do it for you, instead.

Trailer 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwMKRevYa_M
Trailer 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GvX2uexGkA

Dom and crew have destroyed American cities, they've destroyed South American cities, they've destroyed European cities. That means it's time to do the only thing possible. Hang 'em up? Of course not! It means it's time to do some damage to the Middle East. Joe finds out about a whole different plotline that the creators forgot about in the trailer, and the boys learn that they might be better medical professionals than the fake medical professionals in this movie... and better family members than the guy who is always going on without family... and maybe better singers than the singers in this movie?

Actually, scratch that last one.

Oh, also, Paul Walker died during the making of this movie and they reanimated him using devil magic and CGI. A bit on the Paul Walker CGI in this film can be found here.

We will be back next week to finish the Fast Saga (for now) before moving on to Hobbs & Shaw, and then we will mercifully be freed from the Jesus Chain... for now.

Domi'ic Tore'o, you don't know Furious 7, but you're about to.

We learn the fate of the crew in this sequel to Tokyo Drift! We learn that Brian is the new Vince, the team can't quit doing their favorite thing (shooting grappling hooks), and Joe has to relive the most gruesome death of the entire franchise... RIP Han...'s RX-7. The boys also wonder how hard it must be for Dom to get insurance.

And we finally, finally figure out who is Braga (it's not who you expect!). 

Joe, unfortunately, whiffed hard on the plot, but that's because the trailer literally forgets to put in a main character!

 

Trailer One: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Skpu5HaVkOc

Trailer Two: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yISKeT6sDOg

Joe and Jeff have become completely exhausted with this franchise, but you don't turn your back on a bad action franchise, even when it turns its back on you. Dom and the whole crew* take a break from their newly extravagant lifestyles to travel to London to do some vehicular warfare against Owen Shaw and company, which includes a previously-dead old friend (it's not Jesse) and evil versions of all the crew. 

This movie destroys a completely new city, furthers our theory that the Jesus chain makes people stupid, brings back some old friends, gives us some new enemies. Is this racing movie franchise now about grappling hooks?

...

Seriously, though, when will we see Braga?

 

*RIP Tego & Omar (???)

RIP Jesus chain, Han, Gisele, Han's RX-7, and dozens of civilians who were near the tank.

Joe and Jeff watch two trailers for Fast & Furious 6, getting audibly tired of this franchise. In this movie, everything changes (they destroy a city in a different continent than last movie). We mourn those we've lost: Vince (going gorilla mode with God now), countless Brazilians, the guy Dom cut in half, and The Rock's weird thick beard. In Fast & Furious 6, we learn that Letty is alive! And nobody cares about Leo and Santos being gone, apparently. 

Dom & crew are the good guys in this one, and guys... they gotta tank.

You gotta have a code in the podcasting line of work. And our code: RIDE OR DIE!

 

Movieclips Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKi5XoeTN0k

The Fast Saga Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_puVuHoR6o

 

EVEN MORE OF YOUR FAVORITES ARE BACK! Dom and crew head down to Rio de Janeiro to destroy some favelas in the name of saving the favelas. Everything changes in this one, except Vince and Brian getting mad at each other all the time. This one has everything: a complete disregard for prior movies, a history lesson, a physics lesson, The Rock's beard, clever video editing tricks to make Vin Diesel and The Rock look the same height, our protagonist CUTTING A MAN IN HALF, and a ghost!

 

If you're watching along at home, don't worry, these movies get far better after this one...

The boys get back to critiquing the trailer(s) for Fast Five, which almost had five unnecessary words in the title. Luckily, this movie has no unnecessary characters! Joe and Jeff determine whether Mission Impossible or Mission In-Frickin-Sanity should rank higher on the difficulty scale, and whether or not you should ever, ever let Dom and Brian get to a car. All your favorites are back! Noodle lady! Bow wow! Johnny Tran! The guys Roman called Fonzie! The teacher that yelled at Sean for wearing shoes! The guys also opine on much better movies multiple times, and The Rock's weird child's toy goatee.

Remember, Master Wayne: Some men just want to watch the world burn a quarter-mile at a time.

Trailer One: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mw2AqdB5EVA

Trailer Two: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mw2AqdB5EVA