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In a world, where far too many action movies exist... Two friends get fast, furious, to the bottom of things, while dissecting action movies... that they've never seen before! Every week Joe and Jeff enter a new action-packed world to bring you their thoughts and reactions. We watch action movies, so you don't have to.
Episodes
Monday Sep 07, 2020
Monday Sep 07, 2020
The Glimmer Man is the first movie in Seagal September as we take a leisurely stroll through Steven Seagal's collection. In this one, Steven Seagal and Keenan Ivory Wayans star as two mismatched cops: Seagal is steeped in Chinese traditions and Keenan Ivory Wayans is a street smart detective. Somehow, this movie was made just two years before Rush Hour and is worse in every way. It hits on every late-80s action movie trope and throws a bunch of convoluted nonsense out there for good measure. You'll laugh, you'll cry (unless you're Keenan Ivory Wayans), you'll marvel that this movie came out after Independence Day. First you see nothing, then you see a glimmer... then you see... a truly terrible movie.
The Glimmer Man is sitting for free on YouTube; the sign of a great movie! Seagal September marches on next week with Ticker (2001).
Friday Sep 04, 2020
Friday Sep 04, 2020
The guys kick off their string of theme months with STEVEN SEAGAL SEPTEMBER! This episode has the first, chronologically: 1996's The Glimmer Man. In this flick, Steven Seagal is a retired CIA wetwork assassin-turned-Buddhist (we think) who liaisons with a police department (we think) after his girlfriend(?) is killed. He teams up with Keenan Ivory Wayans to catch the killer and is a little bit rock & roll along the way. This movie is basically every other 90s action movie in the entire universe, but Steven Seagal has a crazy gold kimono in it. We talk the movie, 90s movie tropes, a kimono, and the basic tenents of Buddhism.
The Glimmer Man is on youtube, just sitting there, for free.
Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwuIA5Emjm4
Outro Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6ZdUZFy2BI
Monday Aug 31, 2020
Monday Aug 31, 2020
When myth and history merged into mystery... We travel to modern ancient Greece, where an Austrian bodybuilder/Nazi Super Soldier is a Greek (demi)god who is incredibly terrible at improv! We laugh, we cry, we wonder why anyone would wrestle a man who killed a bear (???). We won't learn great interpersonal skills or learn how to tie a tie. The boys also get into stereotypes, world records, interfaith deities, and Arnold's fascination with skin tight sweaters. Also, Jeff springs his top ten characters of the first 18 episodes on Joe, out of nowhere!
Hercules in New York is free on Vudu! If you liked what you heard, we post two episodes a week, and you can subscribe wherever you get podcasts!
Outro Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6m2zUCsFrfY
If you have any questions or concerns you can email us at reactionariespodcast@gmail.com
Next week kicks off STEVEN SEAGAL SEPTEMBER with 1996's The Glimmer Man.
Friday Aug 28, 2020
Friday Aug 28, 2020
The boys take a break from unrealistic science fiction to discuss a movie wherein an Austrian bodybuilder is cast out of Olympus for being an obnoxious weirdo with two different voices. They travel through time not only via narrators, but characters as well, and they're aobut to find out that being an Austrian bodybuilder... is harder... than it looks. A broke Hercules deals with the trials and tribulations of 1970s New York City, including weird little turtle guys, local hoods, and cabbies who want to get paid their fares! He also takes off his shirt... a lot.
Hercules in New York is streaming free on Vudu and IMDb TV (which is inside the Amazon Prime app)
Trailer 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9qAR-Jnbug
Trailer 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXABEG56bXg
Monday Aug 24, 2020
Monday Aug 24, 2020
The boys go deep into the heart of Africa to find everything you would expect to find there: gorillas and humans making sweet love, a long road to anti-semitism, and Joe Pantoliano! They explore why Amy the talking gorilla has those #mommylife goals and uncover some dark secrets that Laura Linney would rather keep in Panama. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wonder why a gorilla is so horny for a nerd like Peter Elliott, and whether Herkemer Homolka was going to drop a racial slur in the middle of the movie.
Next week's movie is Arnold Schwarzenegger's acting debut: 1970's Hercules in New York, available for free on Vudu and IMDbTV!
Friday Aug 21, 2020
Friday Aug 21, 2020
The boys leave future earth behind to travel to the heart of Africa with Michael Crichton's smash cultural sensation Congo (1995). In this preaction Jeff works out his feelings for Tim Curry and a crazy Tim Curry accent, Amy the Gorilla signs about classic literature, the boys work out the fear of Africa in the 90s, Ernie Hudson and Tim Curry are there, and the boys lament what is likely a tragic misuse of Bruce Campbell. There is just one trailer in this one. We will be back on Monday with the full episode for Congo.
Congo is available for rental through the regular sources or for free on Cinemax, or probably kicking around in your memory banks.
Monday Aug 17, 2020
Monday Aug 17, 2020
The boys take a trip to 3071 with the Jaden Smith and Will Smith blockbuster(?) After Earth. This 2013 film features CGI worse than movies that came a decade prior, but at least it had a massive budget to work with! Kitai Raige and Cypher Raige crash land on a mysterious planet that if you had half a brain cell you knew was Earth. Jaden Smith must battle the past, hormones, eagles/hawks/condors, and his own father en route to saving himself and Will Smith. And Will Smith probably poops himself a whole bunch.
Next week's movie is the 1995 action film Congo based on the Michael Crichton book of the same name. Amy hate bad movie. It's not free for streaming anywhere.
Friday Aug 14, 2020
Friday Aug 14, 2020
Joe and Jeff break down the trailers to Will Smith, Jaden Smith, and M. Night Shyamalan's definitely-not-Planet of the Apes-definitely-not-Avatar-definitely-not-Scientology-propaganda science fiction action movie (After Earth). There are so many questions: how did the Earth creatures evolve to kill humans without humans? Why does Will Smith look so weird in half the shots? What color is that guy's hair? What are Joe and Jeff working out emotionally with their interpretation of the aliens? Why does Jaden Smith hate the military? Would Will Smith have authorized the Manhattan Project, knowing the atomic bomb would kill hundreds of thousands of civilians while potentially saving millions of American lives? Is Jaden Smith Aquaman? How can we make Signs good?
We will be back on Monday with the full episode for After Earth. It's not free anywhere in any form that doesn't look and sound like garbage (though that might have more to do with the movie itself)!
Trailer 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZIt20emgLY
Trailer 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKIXQdv4G7o
Monday Aug 10, 2020
Monday Aug 10, 2020
The guys tackle the cocaine-fueled (and literally cocaine-powered) pink-blue-and-black ode to first-person shooters starring Daniel Radcliffe and Samara Weaving, Guns Akimbo. If you never heard of Guns Akimbo, that's because it hit theaters about 30 seconds before the world ended. Miles (Radcliffe) talks infinite amounts of trash online as a "troll hunter." He ends up caught up in a world of killers where he gets the ultimate comeuppance for talking trash online... getting knocked out by a tranq dart and waking up with pistols bolted to his hands. You know, that classic thing that always happens to people. Do some cocaine, crank up the Citrus Hill, grill up some eight-month-old hot dogs and strap in for Guns Akimbo.
Next week's movie is the Scientology propaganda piece (maybe, maybe not, allegedly, politically, please don't sue us)... After Earth, starring Will & Jaden Smith.
Friday Aug 07, 2020
Friday Aug 07, 2020
Harry Potter is back, and he casts firearmeus attachicum on himself! Joe and Jeff watch the trailers for Guns Akimbo (2019). In Guns Akimbo, Daniel Radcliffe is a listless millenial who loves to argue online, so he's basically the guys who host this podcast. He gets caught up in what is definitely not a 21st Century version of Running Man, and teams up with Nix (Samara Weaving), who is supposed to kill him. They appear as though they will have a ton of misadventures and learn that maybe the real murderous death cult was the friends we made along the way.
Guns Akimbo has a million different trailers on YouTube but really has just two.
Trailer 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOFatKD0Vzo