The Reactionaries: An Action Movie Podcast

Episode 45: Jungle Wolf II - Return Fire (1988) (Marchini Madness)

The Steve Parrish Saga comes to its inevitable conclusion with Forgotten Warrior - US Warrior III: Jungle Wolf II: Return Fire! This twee indie coming of age movie focuses on Steve Parrish’s (Ron Marchini) son, Zak. He has completely cast off his half-Vietnamese roots to fully embrace his destiny as an Aryan Prince. In this film, we explore what exactly it means to become a man, and how old is too old to have your father undress you. Also, is it creepier to sit in someone’s living room, uninvited, or to watch them dress? Adam West co-stars as a corrupt government official working with the Italian Mafiosos in Central California, hellbent on taking down Steve Parrish.

If you liked Forgotten Warrior, and Jungle Wolf, you’ll love Return Fire, a movie that is 20% Forgotten Warrior and Jungle Wolf. Not like, thematically, it’s like if a clip show was a movie.

Marchini Madness has come to an end, which means it’s time for Ape-Ril… Ape-ril FOOLS that is! We start Ape-Ril in two weeks, but next week we bring you… another Ron Marchini flick. This time, it’s 1995’s Karate Raider, starring Ron Marchini (of course) as well as Burt Ward, Joe Estevez… and all your favorite Ron Marchini Players. This movie was erroneously originally placed on IMDb as Jungle Wolf 3, which means we have to cover it. And of course, call it by its Christian Name... Forgotten Warrior - US Warrior IV: Jungle Wolf III: Return Fire II: Karate Raider.

Both Return Fire and Karate Raider are on YouTube, but for some reason Karate Raider is listed as "Jungle Wolf 3 Karate Commando" for reasons I'm sure we will explore, especially considering its full title is: Forgotten Warrior - US Warrior IV: Jungle Wolf III: Return Fire II: Karate Commando

Episode 44: Jungle Wolf (1986) (Marchini Madness)

Ron Marchini returns for the second part of the Steve Parrish Cinematic Universe. It has everything you love from The Forgotten Warrior, including about 10 minutes of The Forgotten Warrior! We reckon with the problem that Ron Marchini has now made back-to-back Communist propaganda movies in this trilogy. In Jungle Wolf, Ron Marchini must leave his blond-haired, blue-eyed half-Vietnamese son… Zak, and travel to San Sebastian (literally El Salvador). Isn’t it wild how Vietnam and “San Sebastian” both look just like The Philippines! And how every Vietnamese person and San Sebastian citizen look Filipino! Strange! Probably nothing. And of course, you know there has to be a completely original composition for this film that just explains the events of The Forgotten Warrior.

The Forgotten Warrior – US Warrior II: Jungle Wolf is available on YouTube, for free, with Dutch subtitles!

We will return next week with the third movie in this saga: The Forgotten Warrior – US Warrior III: Jungle Wolf II: Return Fire.

Episode 43: The Forgotten Warrior - US Warrior (1986) (Marchini Madness)

Joe and Jeff take on the most boring movie they've done yet, to predictably short podcast results. This film feels like a low-grade fever when you're done with it. Confusing, a little disorienting, and tiring. Ron Marchini defects from the capitalist pig-dogs to live life with the Viet Cong. That is, until, in a (quite unrealistic) turn of events, a US Militaryman comes by and starts doing war crimes on the Vietnamese countryside... a year after the Vietnam War ended. This is either in pursuit of documents or Ron Marchini, the movie isn't quite clear. 

A quick reminder that the good guys are literally the Viet Cong and the bad guys are Americans. Ron Marchini returns in Jungle Wolf, a direct sequel to this, where he serves with the American military.

The Forgotten Warrior is on YouTube, as is Jungle Wolf

Episode 42: Ninja Warriors (1985) (Marchini Madness)

Marchini Madness kicks off with 1985's Ninja Warriors! Do you know literally anything about ninjas? Because if so, you could be an expert to this team of dumb dumbs. Ken Watanabe (no not the Ken Watanabe) stars with Ron Marchini and a cast of people who begged imdb to not have their names associated with this flick. 

In Ninja Warriors, Ron Marchini is doomed to relive his last day on earth until he gets everything right, and he is freed from his hellish torment. That, and he has some internalized racism and sexual identity frustrations to sort out.

Ninja Warriors is available on YouTube for free, as is next week's movie in Marchini Madness... Forgotten Warrior (1986)

Episode 41: Run Hide Fight (2021)

Do you like vague anger at liberals? Do you like snarky asides about trigger warnings and hand sanitizer? Do you love a good guy with a gun? Well, do we have the movie for you!

Run Hide Fight (2021) is Ben Shapiro's The Daily Wire's first foray into filmmaking and they really work some stuff out in this one. Weirdly and incorrectly described as "gender-swapped Die Hard in a high school" this movie sucks out loud.

Please watch this movie to figure out if Zoey and Christopher are hearing the same voices if Zoey's mom is trying to herald the apocalypse, and if Zoey is is bad, or even worse, than the shooters (except she doesn't have a weird and/or small penis).

 

Run Hide Fight is available through The Daily Wire's subscription service or, if you're a big boy or big girl, you can figure out where to get it.

Next week we start MARCHINI MADNESS!!! The theme month idea that started this whole mess of theme months.
We will be watching the Steve Parrish Saga: Ninja Warriors (1985), Forgotten Warrior (1986), Jungle Wolf (1986), and Return Fire: Jungle Wolf 2 (1986).

All of these movies, like all great movies, are sitting on YouTube, for free.

Episode 40: Dead Heat (1988)

It's not every day that a movie pairs a literal brain dead cop (Treat Williams) with a figurative brain dead cop (Joe Piscopo). We're watching Dead Heat (1988)! In this horror-action movie, the dad from A Christmas Story and Vincent Price team up to do eveil things with regards to reincarnation. The guys discuss evil plots, school tours, Joe Piscopo's regenerative process, as well as just what is up with that Pig Biker guy.

If you're curious just what exactly the population of Rhode Island multiplied by the square root of the weight of Joe Piscopo's ex-wife is, this is the episode for you. We watched this movie because The Medallion (2001) from Jackie Chanuary apparently ripped entire sections of the film off... but we have no idea which sections even come close! 

Dead Heat is on Amazon Prime, as well as available through your library on Hoopla.

Next week's movie is the most recent Treat Williams masterpiece... Run Hide Fight. It's distributed by The Daily Wire, but you can find it online without paying for it.

Episode 39: Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance (2015)

What can we say about Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance? It stars several porn stars, guys who literally bought their way onto the set, a lost Estevez/Sheen and Tommy Wiseau... and none of them are the worst actors in the movie. If you like confusing plots, incest(?), and blatant disregard for FAA regulations surrounding the use of floating orbs on airplanes, then Samurai Cop 2 is for you! This is the sequel to our Deathcember Episode (Episode 31), Samurai Cop. 

The Samurai Cop original episode can be found here.

Samurai Cop 2 is available on Tubi and Hoopla.

Next week's episode is Dead Heat (1988), available on Amazon Prime, Shudder, Hoopla and Tubi.

And as always: keep it warm.

Episode 38: Bleeding Steel (2017) (Jackie Chanuary)

The guys finish Jackie Chanuary with a trip into February and Jackie Chan’s insane money laundering adventure Bleeding Steel (2017). Do you like Star Trek? The MCU? Star Wars? Tron? Underworld? Assassin’s Creed? Fantasy Mission Force? The Medallion? Fast & the Furious and maybe… Fight Club? Then this is the movie for you. In this flick, Jackie Chan’s daughter dies and is implanted with an Iron Man heart… 13 years before the bulk of the events of the movie. Jackie Chan goes undercover as Janitor Jackie Chan, not to be confused with movie star Jackie Chan, who also exists in this universe. It’s a complete pile of nonsense and gibberish but there are about 30 production companies involved!

Bleeding Steel is only available via rental, but it is definitely worth the visual gibberish.

Our movies for February will be Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance (2015), Dead Heat (1988), and Run, Hide, Fight (2020).

Episode 37: The Medallion (2003) (Jackie Chanuary)

The boys continue their run around the Jackie Chan universe with their first English offering. Well... sorta. There was stuff that was originally in Chinese, but it was clunkily ADRed. It's 2003's The Medallion! Starring Jackie Chan, Claire Forlani, Lee Evans, and not Nikolaj Coster-Waldau. In this film, an evil British man tries to get immortality from a small child using a BFF chain. The evil British man fights and loses to a mystical dragon and a mystical fish. Also, Jackie Chan dies halfway through and there is a secret agent character that pops up out of nowhere and is never explained again! It really could have been more like Joe's favorite TV show... Chuck. The Medallion is apparently a ripoff of Dead Heat, which we will be watching in Free For All February. 

The Medallion is available on PlutoTV, which is a mess of a platform to try to use. I hate it so much.

Next week's movie is our last ride in Jackie Chanuary. Unfortunately, due to scheduling issues, it will be in February. That will be Bleeding Steel, which is available on PlutoTV or for rental for $3.99 on major platforms. After that... SAMURAI COP 2!

 

The scream is called the Howie Scream.

Episode 36: Heart of the Dragon (1985) (Jackie Chanuary)

Jackie Chanuary continues with 1985's Heart of Dragon. In this film, Jackie Chan learns the power of love and family, as well as the limitations of his brother's mental capacity. We discuss consent, abuse, and how the power dynamic actually works between kids and someone with mental deficiencies. 

The description of Heart of the Dragon from reelgood.com: 
"Story of a cop who forsakes his dreams of sailing around the world so that he can care for his mentally retarded brother. Innocently caught up in a gangland fight, the brother is kidnapped to force the cop to turn over a police informant." Heart of the Dragon is available on Daily Motion in two parts.

In next week's edition of the podcast, we move over to the first of two Jackie Chan offerings from his American period. We will be watching 2003's The Medallion, starring Jackie Chan, Claire Forlani, and Lee Evans! We assume this movie will have 100% fewer children taking advantage of adults.